A Way of Feeling

I am very concerned with this idea of 'A Way of Feeling.' What this is looking at is the idea of certain existing feelings that we feel or make ourselves feel or make ourselves believe we are feeling, are indeed social constructs. Or we can look at it as society teaching us where to apply certain emotions. Whether, we are dealing with real emotions or not, is not of my concern. Yet, I am worried about the idea that there exists this idea of 'A Way of Feeling.' We create simple equations to things as regards the application of our emotions. For instance, death= respect, solemnity, sadness, taboos. Looking at this concept of death, let us begin the examination of this.
       Firstly, I will share this experience. In April of this year, an infamous and indefatigable tyrant in my country passed away. Upon hearing the news, I proceeded to my housemate's room to let him know of the death. His reaction was 'Wow (sarcastically) I don't really care.' Then he began laughing and joking about the fact that the man's scrotum sack had busted open.' This does sound pretty malevolent and unfeeling and so on. I know. But, what is underlying there, is a true expression of what he felt. I felt it improper, his reaction. But the truth is, upon returning to my room and examining my encounter with my housemate, I really was not sad about this death at all. In all honesty, I cannot say that the death meant nothing to me. It meant, in the immediacy of my mind, that I did not have to be in fear of being antagonized by this tyrant when I returned home. Yet within me there was this nagging feeling, some call it conscience, I don't. This feeling that was telling me that I was supposed to be sad. Had I been say, a fatalistic guy involved in gang warfare, or in previous times, a conquistador, upon hearing the death of a tyrant, I would have had an added joy at seeing his body lying there, with deaths nod of approbation upon him; that assuring and (in my hypothetical position) comfort in that finality of unlife cast upon his face. This shows the coinciding of ways of feeling and Zeitgeist/ World view. What this social construct of emotional control and emotional dishonesty does, is to create a sort of mathematical indifference to the exploration of our feeling and thus our being. So as long as the equation is correct we are OK with it. Death= sadness, solemnity, brooches, black clothing yada yada yada. What it has also done, is create a vulnerability and a very pernicious one. Where those who create the mores, norms and values/ world view of the society dictate how we feel about things. And with the inordinate American existence in our media, this, I think we can all agree that for us in the Caribbean, this can be a dangerous, dangerous thing.


I shall end here, so as not to hog the conversation. I decided to start this blog on this lighter note. Let us converse...